31/03/2013 - Looking back

Making a post today is because today is 31/03/2013,
It's not merely the end of March, it indicates my 21 is approaching.

Guess years ago I really didn't expect whether what am I doing right now is appropriate
I don't know what has made the way I am thinking today
Sometime I feel glorious, sometime I feel insane

Achievement can be done by countless hardworking and unpredictable luck
while the luck could determine how much work needed to be completed
If I foresee my future prospective regarding money, I might have chosen a wrong path
Guess even until now, I am still being hesitated, about my future life
This path is the best for me to modify it as my wish in future
Yet, I would afraid.

Don't you think that every aspiration comes with risk?
What if, at the end it fails?

I have numerous plans for it
Even a few for my worst condition
Yet I can live well, just for me
When responsibility comes, we need to think for others.

Age grows, people around you will look high upon you as well
My shoulder tells me that I have to do for something secured

Life is purposeless without joys
I have reluctantly enjoy slothful life
Guess I need to share the joy to people around me
From now on

22/03/2013 - Judgement

Today I insisted very hard at an argument, very hard.

The person is the one who once I've sworn to protect, to care at least

Yet this conflict hurt us very badly

It even ruins my entire old plan to maintain everything

My current mind is being contradicted

I always use my persistence to prove something, but most of the time it doesn't worth for it at all

What if I just being easygoing 

Obliging and amiable

Just let it be, friendship is the more important thing compare to that tiny crap

Sometimes I am just being stupid I guess, lost all my rationality

Just to challenge, and so being able to figure out one's acceptance or one's mentality

It doesn't worth destroying

This is why I judge myself

Maybe I should have learn it long time ago, I shouldn't insist on changing others, but change if they are willing to, it reminds me again.

Or else it's like two stones crash together for stupid reason.

What if I just being easygoing 

Obliging and amiable

?

Okay, guess I need more

21/07/2012 - A Small Reminder

Watched Bruce Wayne
Too many mixed feelings

Wish to remember the moment, when tears dropped.

06/07/2012 - Studying abroad

Don't know why, was originally planning to post on facebook, but came back here, I like being a little bit secured.

Studying abroad is a good exploration to me.

Taiwan which shares greatly same cultural life as a Chinese, yet I soon learn about the differences among ethnic groups in Chinese. In Malaysia there are Hokien, Cantonese, Hakka and etc., but all the cultures have mixed so thoroughly until I was thinking it is "Chinese Culture". The first cultural shock for me in Taiwan is the moon cake, they are not eating the moon cake that I have been eating all the time, but the 嫁女餅 that we receive when someone’s getting married instead. They are so modernized and having BBQ anywhere on moon cake festival, that’s not their tradition but the current trend.You will learn that how lousy is our GOVN when Malaysia is tooooo small for them to keep their eyes open, should be for the entire world too I guess. They will even misunderstand you as Malay (due to 'MALAY'sia), but surprisingly all people will reply "I'm a Malaysia Chinese”, how patriotic!! Maybe Malaysia should do something when promoting the country xD. Yet, since Singapore has officially announced so many things BELONG to them (even for some I think it shouldn't be at all? I dont mind SHARING but don't OWN it) and our GOVN is doing nothing at all other than exploting only, it really left nothing to Malaysian, poor thing.

For me, yeah maybe it’s only me sadly, studying in Taiwan is not friendly to me at all. They use Mandarin as the speaking medium, A TOTALLLY MANDARIN method, when those scientific things show up as “Mandarin” form, I’m dead. Complaining or requesting is NOT USEFUL at all. The system is so examination type with almost no assignment, you may have some dull reports and lame reflection that is always come with a fixed formula of doing it, which is so uninteresting at all, and hence making you don’t know what the heck are you learning or other than inflexible knowledge from lecturer’s note or textbook. The only few assignment I have done so far (just a very, very few) extend my knowledge a lot although I was just largely copying and arranging from net.

Since the textbook and note are mostly fully in English, you will be like “^$!#%$@#^%@#$@!” when the paper comes as Mandarin but you can only silently do it and murmur tons of foul language (even you have requested, it ends up coming as Mandarin, that is why you will be gone mad). I have experienced doing “English subjective answer” on objective blackening paper and “on call with lecturer for immediate translation with a cellphone” in examination hall, for other situation the lecturer is so GAY and I failed to find any assistance, and then my exam was dead for that part, gosh. For subjective questions they’re always allowing Mandarin answer but I will be the freak that using English all the time, yet the one correcting it would be the lab assistant (postgraduate students? oO) and I had experienced some contradictions and problems of their English correction, and became an innocent victim.

Taiwanese, are, incredibly ACTIVE in activities, which makes my fellow Malaysian’s always getting jealous when seeing the photos, I would say, that is also incredibly TIRED as you may need to contribute numerous nights of sleep, but you will always take part if you fail to give up socialization, like me. The activities are cute, or to be frankly, naïve. Honestly but no offence, they’re like living fewer worries around the world and are more concentrating at entertainment. Thence, the activities are mostly regarding amusement, socialization with freshmen. The way of the activities organized makes you need to “make yourself naïve” as well to get involve fast and easy. I found myself stupid for being so naïve over there but you can feel the happiness for being naïve sometimes. That is why there are actually many people keep joining these activities, whereas I actually, am tired, but need to pass down the love that I have gained.

Food? Each places has its own specification & advantage, unnecessary to compare, yet overall I still love Malaysian’s ultimate mixed culture food, but ways UNHEALTHIER (and maybe unsafer too) compares to Taiwanese food. Yet for beverage, it’s like a big gap between the creativity, there is a variety of cool stuff in Malaysian but not much youngsters has the heart to improve and develope it, the competition for their beverage business is so big force them to compete with unanticipated originality, making it walking around the world nowadays.

I have been going around but not many places yet! Travel is my incoming quest.

26/5/2012 - Mirror

經過了很久的時間
還是這裡傾訴抽象的心情最舒服

看到YH他冷靜成這樣，有種感觸
看到CM他痛苦成這樣，也有種感觸


心臟破碎的感覺是怎樣


依靠著這根精神的支柱
但他們也支撐得很辛苦

心臟真的要很強

我想模仿
用心努力越過這裡

鏡子，告訴我這樣對不對吧
因為我不想要再讓時間來證明了

27/04/2012 - White Lies

原來真的可以那麼地堅持

凌晨時刻，一切都解決了
原來再白痴的謊言，也是騙得到人的
她也不是笨的，我也只是混過去而已
然而人家卻依舊相信我

如果這個不是愛情就好
離別總是來臨，這不是很痛嗎
如果你能幸福的話，就到此為止吧
這是我唯一能夠做的事

我的愛只為了你
為了不讓你察覺
我費盡力氣笑著
我不想讓你痛苦
但是又討厭離開

因為這個世界上最珍貴的就是你了
所以我撒了謊，一個善意的謊言
這也是我唯一能做的事
就算心裡大喊大叫，嘴裡還是沒說出來
我不想讓你痛苦
即使我痛苦也沒關係，因為我愛你

只要我瘋了一般哭了一場就可以了
我守護下去就好了

24/07/2011 - Death

对你来说，死亡是什么？
你自己本身又对它有想过多少？

考虑它，也许真的早了一点

正常人对负面的东西是不会像太多
但是我呢，却阻止不了自己的想象力

即将搭人生第一次的飞机
就在选择不买保险时
却曾有一分钟想过
如果就这样死去，不就很冤枉？

有关数据显示：2001年，全世界共发生有人员死亡的空难事故33起，共死亡778人。但是，2001年全国共发生道路交通事故760327起，死亡106367人。全国共发生水上交通事故644起，死亡和失踪490人。2001年全国平均每天因交通事故死亡的人数就已达300人。

但是才有一点点可能死而不做
不是很懦弱吗？

然而
无聊的想法总会很快消失
没有为它考虑多少

But
Something has just happened to my friend's friend (LOL)
他，真的就这样
碰上了那 0.XX % 的死亡率
（详情：按我）

Maybe this doesn't bring a single impact to you, or me
But it makes me think

This accident involved 2 persons
A passenger and a pilot

For the death of the passanger
There might be many possibilities
Maybe he is trapped
Maybe he is fainted
Maybe he is incapable

But
What if he
Gives the chance of survival to the others?
Helps the others to escape?

I guess only some survivors could know the true story.

For the death of the pilot

I salute

人固有一死

他，绝对重于泰山

人一出世

就不断迈向死亡走去

难道就因为这样而等死亡到

或者是很怕死，希望所谓的“死亡”能延迟

这不仅让我联想到709

也让我想到在马来西亚奋斗的人

他们为了自己吗？不是

而确有很多人，为了自己

选择了抛弃

远走高飞，回头望也不望

宁愿当个福利不错的真实二等公民

也不要当个没有用的挂牌一等公民

我小时候真的曾经想过当飞机师

看到他们穿的“yaoyeng”制服

还真让人羡慕

现在看到这新闻

不痛不痒

只能为这位让我觉得他伟大的人祈祷

R.I.P   Mr. Wong

09/06/2011 - Reminiscence, 自强不息的根源

Actually it is not today.
It happened on 06/06/2011.

明明其实我自己都无法说服自己
为什么会一直看着她的那些照片
样貌？应该不是吧
不过是觉得那笑容有点贴心
以前就这么觉得了

可是……

明明金女神的一切都胜过一筹
还有她的招牌手势！！要看都看她啦。

更离谱的是
那人还要出现在我的梦里对着我笑
我应该是有点点被融化了
还开心到让我有“继续发梦”的念头

难道这就是所谓的
日有所思，夜有所梦？？
是我看照片而导致的吗？
（总觉得自己这个动作有点变态……）

持续至今
它却迎来了我的思考

小时候，我都不爱笑
对我而言，

........................................................

每次写得太多事
总会没有勇气post
都想按back
这次封起来算了

其实我想表达的只是
很感谢上天，因为她仍然在笑

Cheers

24/03/2011 - Appreciation of Gift

Problems seem hard to be solved
At least I understand one thing now

I appreciate this new era
I appreciate this dream land
I appreciate this life

Thanks
I pray for that

If that is your gift
I will accept it

If there is a wish
I will create it
I will change it
In your names

22/03/2010 - 王者之歌

悲鳴


也許能造福大家，并不是件很懷的事。

21/03/2011 - Memorable Enough

Label : CG-119-12-3025
Code : K0017

Crying, should be enough now
On the day
Dull but
Endurable

Go on living doubtlessly
Enchantments are essential
As a life of                should be like that
Sin but
Sincere

It had been understood long time ago but

Since
Anything about
Love
Utilization and
Tension are
Eternal

10/02/2011 - Another To V1141

Ok thank you V1141
I appreciate your gift

I can't keep eyes on you soon
So you gotta take good care of yourself

Not to eat too much instant noodles
And of course, don't hit the hay too late
Sports can be good for health too

Growing older now
Must be more independent
And of course, must be more rational and wiser

Hope the journey will strengthen your mind
And one day, I will meet a well-grown you.

Lastly, must take care yourself
Yeah yeah, enough of long-winded stuff right

06/01/2011 - Always

Sitting on the chair
And staring at the photos
Thinking back what was happened
And sigh

I always do this
It is just like a habit
Every time, no matter it is sad or happy
As long as it makes me remember you

I miss you, my thought is always full of you
Once again and again
If you call me, I will go and find you
I just want to stay by your side, and smile

I don't know whether your heart is hurt
Although you seemed not
I just hope to comfort you
If I can't stay by your side
I'll just hold your shadow in my heart, and..

All these days, you're always in my thought
Once again and again
If I can choose again, I will never let go of your heart

If you want me to stay by your side
I'll try every mean if this is your wish
I want to grant you a bright future
I wish..

For countless time, I smile for you
No matter I'm sad or happy
As long as you're happy
I'll just smile by your side

31/12/2010 - This Is The End

I really hate it
I really hate when I am denied in such way

Family love? Please!
I know nothing about it!
I only know how to give it to them
But I'm really feeling nth, them too maybe

Please, I've been living under jealousy for years
Envying friends' parents is my favourite activity

But I comment nothing
Because I know it's not the end yet

I nvr request alot from you
But how could you just deny my dream like this?

How much you know about me?
What course is that?
What is my results?

You know nth
I don't even think that you know when is my exams
I think what you only know is when is your TRAVELS

Let you write an essay about me, try it
What can you write other than your wrong thought to me?
Stating how useless I am is your expertise
But unfortunately, they are just some big mistakes
Which I'm too lazy to correct you

How do you write the word 'proud'?
I don't the heck know
I dislike this very much
And I am already tired crying because of this

Please, if you grant me this ending
I know you won't regret about this
You will think that you've made a wise move
But it ends up carving inside my heart
Believe it, you'll also regret about it

My life, my story
Endlessly
I'm fighting

23/11/2010 - Fool

傻瓜是什么
自作自受

我知道自己的感觉在哪里
可是
对不起，我实在无法面对
因为恐惧吞噬了我

所以我一步都没走过
我能做的
就是看着她一步一步地远离我

我真傻
我竟然选择忘记
真可悲

向别人说我忘记了
简直就是个谎言
即使多么难受
我的感觉还是一样

对不起K1317，杰仪
对我来说忘记真的很难
时间一过就这么多年
她仍然能在我心中徘徊

我仍然爱你
我还是想你
看着你的照片
我有时会傻笑

我从来没有停止爱你
我对你的感情从来没有改变
不，我的心还在不断增加喜欢我对你的爱
我只是尽量保持冷静
不断地回想当我们在一起的时刻

不知道为什么
总会有人认为我喜欢上谁了
以为我终于放下了
我也想啊，大人K5464
其实我看
我根本没换过对象

其实不是我不想
只是很多时候勉强不来
我除了在“忘记”，也在等待
就如K1317所说的
要来则来

可是那个M757却说我的动作
是喜欢上那个她了
是吗？
我自己也无法解读自己的身体语言

我很想要一个晚上
是能安眠入睡
而不是想来想去
拖到不用睡

8/11/2010 - Choices

Choices, we always have to choose in our life.
Yet, we dread regretting.

That is why we always meticulously make our decision.
Our mind can't fill with the pain of that.

Deciding carefully
think 10 times before the action
It sounds so good
But it sounds terrible for me

For me
It would be a terrible thing to do ever
Especially when the choice is only two

Now
I have stopped a taxi for her
And she?
She could be waiting for my words

But
I'm really a coward
I’m passing through quickly when I meet her every time
But I pretended I'm so fine when we are talking

这全部都是谎言

Why
Because I can read the fear
The fear of future
I'm afraid that I will repeat the scenes that have happened to me

I couldn't blame for the scenes that have happened to me
All I can do is, prevention.

I don't know if another 1 is waiting for my words too
Because her friend had dropped a hint
But for this, I have another fear too!

Maybe what I can do is pray for her
也许这像一个傻瓜
但我都不在乎
在我的心底只有你

30/08/2010 - The Unrevealed Reasons

Finally Back, after a period of time
The war is on
I shouldn't pay much time here

Yet,
The unrevealed reasons
have made known tonight

Why did I quit DotA?
I had thought that it was because of
The shutdown of Blue Server

Soon I understood
I could actually resume everything through GG
But I stopped again
Because of the players' attitude

I have returned to GG recently
And now, I think it is the time to stop
I think I still can't bear that attitude
It's no longer a patience problem

What do I hate so much about them?
Garena is made by a very complex community actually
Even much more than BS

From young to old
From childish to mature
From idiot to genius
From bad to nice

We can actually learn much in there actually
Not only learning how to deal with different kind of people
But also teamwork, cooperate with someone who is new to you
With different characters as well

Its a good place to learn
But I guess I'm enough with it
Striving forward
is what I have to do now

Yet,
This is not only the reason why I'm writing
Another reason is revealed today
The Tales of The Little Mushroom
And I don't even know what to do ><
What answer should I give

p/s: Another Happy Birthday to my beloved Malaysia, 又爱又恨~

22/05/2010 - Chinese Culture & History

Every time when I see any news
About Korea challenging Chinese Culture or History
I really feel sad

They always state that they come from "X" place(高丽）
The "X" place（在中国东北部） is where the culture mostly came from
Then they admit it as theirs?

Haha..

端午节
It was finished in a stupid manner
China lost it, Korea got it
Whose fault?
It's we chinese ourselves
We never appreciate what we have
Even treat it like a NORMAL day

While others treat it like a treasure
Haha..

Korea are very good
They say Chinese word was created by their ancestor
And upon a what bla-bla issue
They use "back" the Korean word

I wonder what make they CHANGE it huh?
Shouldn't u guys use wat u created?
But changed it to squares and circles?

They focus on this point
Keep challenging Chinese
About Chinese word, 甲骨文....
Even 孔子!!
Everything has become theirs

Haha..

I don't want to comment too much
I studied history
I read and scan, even analyse
That is really ridiculous

If 端午节 is Korea's
Why 屈原's story was happened in China?
If you say 屈原 was a Korean too
Then I wonder why so many 赋词 are written in Chinese
But not Korean word? I tot he loved his "country"

甲骨文 was created by Korean
Because you guys say the 东北 human = u guys (I'm not sure about this statement)
And go on
商朝 = u guys too
Then I really wonder
Why was u guys nvr use 甲骨 after u guys retreated (defeated by 周）
Because you guys created papers and use it?
Haha!! Why nowadays no even a Korean has a first name 蔡

If 孔子 was a Korean too
Why he emphasize 周朝礼仪 so much?
You guys know who is 子产？
He can be considered as 孔子 master
Why is he abandoned in your proof?
And why 孔子 emphasize 周朝礼仪 but not 商朝礼仪
I tot u guys say 商朝 = u guys, and u guys were defeated by 周？
He was a betrayer of your country?
Funny

Korea got many first name like Lee and Kim
So all the Lees and Kims in the world
Was Korean?

You guys wanna change 中医 to 韩医
Because you guys 针灸 are pro-er?
You guys say 围棋.... stuff was created by your ancestor
Because you guys are pro-er in that nowadays?

There are too much!!
I got no time to explain them 1 by 1

If Korean say the bla bla thing is theirs
Because the bla bla thing came from "X" place
"X" place is a place in China right
Why can't China people say Korea is theirs too
Please! We Chinese got many lesson from ancestor
得寸进尺、适可而止、
量腹而食，度身而衣!!

Well we can blame on Korean for this
But I think we Chinese should blame ourselves more
We failed to protect our own culture
We failed to appreciate our own culture
We failed to concern about our own culture

How many of you clear about our history
Or appreciate them?
Most of us think it is OUTDATED or watever crap stuff
While others think it is a treasure

Do watever u want
Just Don't regret when one day you are announced that
You are no longer a Chinese but a Korean

27/04/2010 - Ambush of K5464

I got a surprise from K5464, Dae Kae Jing today
Altho it was made due to my request(seems like)
But the words
Is actually what I've waited for

Dae Kae Jing
She doesn't act as any special character in my life
But I'm sure that will make you special
You are not a specific one in a specific area
But you are mostly average involved in most area
Haha, 玄 leh, try to understand it la
Since, we will never explain why is it "special"

Maybe she could easily forget someone
I'm not sure(I know she wouldn't)
But I won't forget someone easily
Just like how I remember S3311, See Min

There's uncertainty in the future

Haha, maybe I'm defeated by the fate
Since I have met many ppl who forget me
But I know you are different
Even our part is separated

I will eventually stop you in the street if I see you
And go for a drink
In future of course
We will never flip our eyes and ignore each other right

Well I shouldn't go too far
I will stop around here
What I want to say is
As a friend, we will never explain why shall we do that
My mind can feel it
Just like why u make the card for me
Isn't it?

There are many things we will never do it right?

今日
我非常感谢大凯晶大人
感动到要哭前兆
故特post来记住这件事情

26/04/2010 - Extinction

I hate to tell
I hate to show the deepest part in my heart
I hate misunderstanding

Sometimes
I'm fear of myself
But sometimes,
I feel proud
Who the heck am I

I don't know
But what I know about myself is
I'm abnormal
Haha, could be the only 1 who is
Facing extinction tho

Why I will cry
When I'm looking at the sky
I don't know

Am I feeling sad for my life?
My destiny?
I tried to tell myself
It's fated
But I failed to persuade myself

It seems so stupid
If I'm telling myself
That the environment really promoted me

I'm so lonely sometimes
Like facing extinction
I can bear most thing
Unlike usual man

Just like everyone thinks
孔子is very 贤
While behind the truth
It is just so advertising
I really wonder if they know
Who is 子产
Or appreciate 老子？

Companion?
Yea I think I have some now
And yet I'm still acting kinda weird
I, myself also don't know
I have some "darkness" field
Nobody will know it

I am still doing like
Haha, like GF in FF8
These Guardian Force
I really don't know how to tell
Just
Protecting people around me
I can only feel calm after doing it

Alright, I still can go on
There are many reasons
I never forget my dreams
Like TVXQ did(I'm waiting miracle)
Many things to protect
Just go on