27/04/2012 - White Lies

原來真的可以那麼地堅持

凌晨時刻，一切都解決了
原來再白痴的謊言，也是騙得到人的
她也不是笨的，我也只是混過去而已
然而人家卻依舊相信我

如果這個不是愛情就好
離別總是來臨，這不是很痛嗎
如果你能幸福的話，就到此為止吧
這是我唯一能夠做的事

我的愛只為了你
為了不讓你察覺
我費盡力氣笑著
我不想讓你痛苦
但是又討厭離開

因為這個世界上最珍貴的就是你了
所以我撒了謊，一個善意的謊言
這也是我唯一能做的事
就算心裡大喊大叫，嘴裡還是沒說出來
我不想讓你痛苦
即使我痛苦也沒關係，因為我愛你

只要我瘋了一般哭了一場就可以了
我守護下去就好了

09/06/2011 - Reminiscence, 自强不息的根源

Actually it is not today.
It happened on 06/06/2011.

明明其实我自己都无法说服自己
为什么会一直看着她的那些照片
样貌？应该不是吧
不过是觉得那笑容有点贴心
以前就这么觉得了

可是……

明明金女神的一切都胜过一筹
还有她的招牌手势！！要看都看她啦。

更离谱的是
那人还要出现在我的梦里对着我笑
我应该是有点点被融化了
还开心到让我有“继续发梦”的念头

难道这就是所谓的
日有所思，夜有所梦？？
是我看照片而导致的吗？
（总觉得自己这个动作有点变态……）

持续至今
它却迎来了我的思考

小时候，我都不爱笑
对我而言，

........................................................

每次写得太多事
总会没有勇气post
都想按back
这次封起来算了

其实我想表达的只是
很感谢上天，因为她仍然在笑

Cheers

24/03/2011 - Appreciation of Gift

Problems seem hard to be solved
At least I understand one thing now

I appreciate this new era
I appreciate this dream land
I appreciate this life

Thanks
I pray for that

If that is your gift
I will accept it

If there is a wish
I will create it
I will change it
In your names

31/12/2010 - This Is The End

I really hate it
I really hate when I am denied in such way

Family love? Please!
I know nothing about it!
I only know how to give it to them
But I'm really feeling nth, them too maybe

Please, I've been living under jealousy for years
Envying friends' parents is my favourite activity

But I comment nothing
Because I know it's not the end yet

I nvr request alot from you
But how could you just deny my dream like this?

How much you know about me?
What course is that?
What is my results?

You know nth
I don't even think that you know when is my exams
I think what you only know is when is your TRAVELS

Let you write an essay about me, try it
What can you write other than your wrong thought to me?
Stating how useless I am is your expertise
But unfortunately, they are just some big mistakes
Which I'm too lazy to correct you

How do you write the word 'proud'?
I don't the heck know
I dislike this very much
And I am already tired crying because of this

Please, if you grant me this ending
I know you won't regret about this
You will think that you've made a wise move
But it ends up carving inside my heart
Believe it, you'll also regret about it

My life, my story
Endlessly
I'm fighting

23/11/2010 - Fool

傻瓜是什么
自作自受

我知道自己的感觉在哪里
可是
对不起，我实在无法面对
因为恐惧吞噬了我

所以我一步都没走过
我能做的
就是看着她一步一步地远离我

我真傻
我竟然选择忘记
真可悲

向别人说我忘记了
简直就是个谎言
即使多么难受
我的感觉还是一样

对不起K1317，杰仪
对我来说忘记真的很难
时间一过就这么多年
她仍然能在我心中徘徊

我仍然爱你
我还是想你
看着你的照片
我有时会傻笑

我从来没有停止爱你
我对你的感情从来没有改变
不，我的心还在不断增加喜欢我对你的爱
我只是尽量保持冷静
不断地回想当我们在一起的时刻

不知道为什么
总会有人认为我喜欢上谁了
以为我终于放下了
我也想啊，大人K5464
其实我看
我根本没换过对象

其实不是我不想
只是很多时候勉强不来
我除了在“忘记”，也在等待
就如K1317所说的
要来则来

可是那个M757却说我的动作
是喜欢上那个她了
是吗？
我自己也无法解读自己的身体语言

我很想要一个晚上
是能安眠入睡
而不是想来想去
拖到不用睡

8/11/2010 - Choices

Choices, we always have to choose in our life.
Yet, we dread regretting.

That is why we always meticulously make our decision.
Our mind can't fill with the pain of that.

Deciding carefully
think 10 times before the action
It sounds so good
But it sounds terrible for me

For me
It would be a terrible thing to do ever
Especially when the choice is only two

Now
I have stopped a taxi for her
And she?
She could be waiting for my words

But
I'm really a coward
I’m passing through quickly when I meet her every time
But I pretended I'm so fine when we are talking

这全部都是谎言

Why
Because I can read the fear
The fear of future
I'm afraid that I will repeat the scenes that have happened to me

I couldn't blame for the scenes that have happened to me
All I can do is, prevention.

I don't know if another 1 is waiting for my words too
Because her friend had dropped a hint
But for this, I have another fear too!

Maybe what I can do is pray for her
也许这像一个傻瓜
但我都不在乎
在我的心底只有你

30/08/2010 - The Unrevealed Reasons

Finally Back, after a period of time
The war is on
I shouldn't pay much time here

Yet,
The unrevealed reasons
have made known tonight

Why did I quit DotA?
I had thought that it was because of
The shutdown of Blue Server

Soon I understood
I could actually resume everything through GG
But I stopped again
Because of the players' attitude

I have returned to GG recently
And now, I think it is the time to stop
I think I still can't bear that attitude
It's no longer a patience problem

What do I hate so much about them?
Garena is made by a very complex community actually
Even much more than BS

From young to old
From childish to mature
From idiot to genius
From bad to nice

We can actually learn much in there actually
Not only learning how to deal with different kind of people
But also teamwork, cooperate with someone who is new to you
With different characters as well

Its a good place to learn
But I guess I'm enough with it
Striving forward
is what I have to do now

Yet,
This is not only the reason why I'm writing
Another reason is revealed today
The Tales of The Little Mushroom
And I don't even know what to do ><
What answer should I give

p/s: Another Happy Birthday to my beloved Malaysia, 又爱又恨~

27/04/2010 - Ambush of K5464

I got a surprise from K5464, Dae Kae Jing today
Altho it was made due to my request(seems like)
But the words
Is actually what I've waited for

Dae Kae Jing
She doesn't act as any special character in my life
But I'm sure that will make you special
You are not a specific one in a specific area
But you are mostly average involved in most area
Haha, 玄 leh, try to understand it la
Since, we will never explain why is it "special"

Maybe she could easily forget someone
I'm not sure(I know she wouldn't)
But I won't forget someone easily
Just like how I remember S3311, See Min

There's uncertainty in the future

Haha, maybe I'm defeated by the fate
Since I have met many ppl who forget me
But I know you are different
Even our part is separated

I will eventually stop you in the street if I see you
And go for a drink
In future of course
We will never flip our eyes and ignore each other right

Well I shouldn't go too far
I will stop around here
What I want to say is
As a friend, we will never explain why shall we do that
My mind can feel it
Just like why u make the card for me
Isn't it?

There are many things we will never do it right?

今日
我非常感谢大凯晶大人
感动到要哭前兆
故特post来记住这件事情

26/04/2010 - Extinction

I hate to tell
I hate to show the deepest part in my heart
I hate misunderstanding

Sometimes
I'm fear of myself
But sometimes,
I feel proud
Who the heck am I

I don't know
But what I know about myself is
I'm abnormal
Haha, could be the only 1 who is
Facing extinction tho

Why I will cry
When I'm looking at the sky
I don't know

Am I feeling sad for my life?
My destiny?
I tried to tell myself
It's fated
But I failed to persuade myself

It seems so stupid
If I'm telling myself
That the environment really promoted me

I'm so lonely sometimes
Like facing extinction
I can bear most thing
Unlike usual man

Just like everyone thinks
孔子is very 贤
While behind the truth
It is just so advertising
I really wonder if they know
Who is 子产
Or appreciate 老子？

Companion?
Yea I think I have some now
And yet I'm still acting kinda weird
I, myself also don't know
I have some "darkness" field
Nobody will know it

I am still doing like
Haha, like GF in FF8
These Guardian Force
I really don't know how to tell
Just
Protecting people around me
I can only feel calm after doing it

Alright, I still can go on
There are many reasons
I never forget my dreams
Like TVXQ did(I'm waiting miracle)
Many things to protect
Just go on

19/2/2010 - Future

我没有特有的喜好
我没有特强的科目

我引以自豪的优点却是多么冒险
我想做的东西竟然是多么的低薪

要我发挥我的优点也可以
只要有人看中我就可以了


问题是会有多少个？


自立一家，又怕会失败
毕竟我没有财产去乱拚

笑，慢慢等待机会？
燕雀安知鸿鹄之志哉

想读一个安全又符合心意的
竟然那么低薪

低薪自然就给父母担心
少了他们的支持
自然不成立

自己的命运自己掌握？
这个并不是受约束的人说得出的

22/1/2010 - Tonight

Tonight, the sky is bright
Filled with light
I raise my hand, trying to touch the sky
It sounds impossible, as the star is high

But one day, I will fly up high
And touch the sky

Maybe I'm having a hard time
Yet I have the right
To write, to try
As my dream is right

10/1/2010 - Fate Another

To celebrate the 10th post
I decide to open the blog to the public
The time is after msn with K5464.

I go to Education Fair at KLCC today
My result is: Yes, IMU is the only U
Has the degree course I want in Malaysia
Facts again

I wonder
If I use that much money for IMU
Why don't I just go to Adelaide?

Money says everything
IMU is expensive for me but
I can get a loan from PTPTN
Adelaide is expensive for me
I have not found any loan
But it is a good U for me

Fate, heh
I wonder if my parents will pay for it
This makes me recall something
When I was a child,
My father came and asked me to lend him RM100
I lent without asking anything
He was grateful
He said,
"When I'm old,"
"I will use all the money from my EPF to support your studies."
That time I was kinda touched.

Now
They have to pay for my sister studies first
She "hopes" she can study in Japan
With scholarship
If they pay for her
Like all the time
I wonder, what is left for me?

In fact
I should not worry about financial matter first
To get in the university in Adelaide
I need 5 A1
Language studies
And the topic General Paper are not included
It is so damn hard

But
I can't stop worrying about money
Complicated mind

9/1/2010 - Sometimes

Sometime I think I'm different
But soon i find out I'm nothing

Sometime I think it will work
But it never follows my ideal thought

Sometime I think it is because of wisdom
But luck seems more likely to be the factor

Sometime I'm proud of myself
But I'm always disappointed

Sometime I think they will understand
But the fact tells me I'm wrong

Sometime I believe in fate
But I'm always trying to disobey it

Sometime I think I can endure everything
Yet I'm confused by facts

8/1/2010 - Dreamer

I'm a dreamer
Full of dreams about life
That is why
I'm always daydreaming

Yet what I dream at night would be sincere
I'm blurred
I don't know whether am I'm right

I'm dreaming all the time
I hope I can find the genuineness of me

I thought I find it last time
I has followed the path I believe till now

But it is not ideal like what I have thought
I end up like calculating wrong how many cloud in the sky.

Sometime, being naive is so beautiful
Although I have just get mad on someone who is naive
Even she doesn't know what am I mad for
Soon I realize
She is so naive, and happy

I have been annoying of this event
For hours
I angry because she doesn't understand why am I mad
Even I have tell her why
How sad

I return back to the original dream
Thinking of what I had considered last time
And soon I find out
I'm the one who is naive too

I wonder why am I being so serious in that.

13/12/2009 - Another Fate

Finally
I have decided to tell them about my idea
They stun me before i try to speak more
Again
With those creepy reasons

M1117 says that the journey is expensive
And complains a lot
Well she always wants to save her money
By choosing a low-cost local institution for her child

D0981 delays his answer to next year
Anyway
He always wants his child to be a professional doctor

So these is their responds
Yet
I can't hope much from them
I have borne many things myself all these year
Used to it
Maybe i was just seeking for a little hope

At dinner
Even my uncle and aunt
will also ask about me the paths
The details
They can make me feel
More SECURE
Than how the 2 freaks do

How sad
I think the 2 freaks don't make me feel secure all the time